Tag Archives: babies

Get Out and Play- An Endangered Concept

26 Jun

So, here I am, having a chat with my preggo friend, about how all her kid wants to do is go, go, GO, (a rare quality these days) and it takes all she can to entertain him, being in the process of growing a minion and all. Not a problem- go, go, GO play with your friends, right? WRONG. Kids, outside, playing- its like, UNHEARD OF these days. Or at least it seems like it is. And what kind of a kid wants to play outside, alone? It sucks a real big juicebox.

It literally looks like this on my street.

See, his friends aren’t the “play outside until the sun comes down” type. At least not as often as they should be (ahem- summer break…EVERYDAY, minions!) And they also aren’t the “get dirty” type either, and actually get into trouble for playing…and getting dirty…

problem- solved!

To which, I just gotta say….What??

Okay, firstly, my mom probably would’ve F.R.E.A.K.E.D. O.U.T. if we were INSIDE every, single, hour, of every, single day. Maybe its because we didn’t have all of these cool video games and phones, gadgets and the interwebs to entertain us for literal days at a time.

Here’s lookin’ at you, Satan’s favorite pastime.

 No. We had playsets, trampolines, pools, trails, woods, bikes, balls, water. We had FRIENDS and we actually SAW their faces, not their profile pictures, everyday. We had REAL social media, REAL games, a REAL childhood.

kick the can? YEAH BUDDYYY. Sign me up!! I will DESTROY YOU!!!

But all my mom had to do was yell “go play” (if that somedays) and we were GONE. Out the door, to the backyard, playing things, building things, destroying things, blowing up things…you get it. Having good ol’ ‘Merican FUN. And we didn’t come home until we heard to dinner bell ring! (yep, we had one) It’s just like, I don’t even know. So weird now that kids don’t PLAY.

I googled ‘merican fun….hahaha you win, google.

Seriously though. It didn’t take a whole lot to get us out. We had a big yard, and lived in the middle of nowhere, so being abducted by some creep wasn’t really an issue as it can be in bigger areas (though we DID have a peeping Tom, but that’s another story). So, I guess I can see where ‘rents these days, with the constant news coverage and all that, may be a little paranoid about sending Suzy and Jimmy outside to play, while they work/cook/clean/relax/crush candy (<– judgment free zone, you guilty mommies!)

I wouldn’t let my two outside unsupervised either. So my next point…

But here’s an idea, you silly Sally’s— GO OUTSIDE WITH YOUR SPAWN! Or if they’re old enough- watch from the door/window/porch!

**SHOCKING!** Guess what?! You can do a majority of things from OUT OF DOORS, AS WELL! And, if you are worried about dirt and germs and pedos, you are right there watching! Now, with mine, I am ALWAYS outside, on account of having no yard and some real winners for neighbors. My friend, she lives in a quieter part of town, with a yard, playset, the works, and he is old enough to have some space. But like I said earlier- who wants to play alone all day?

Sucks a big juicebox, huh kid?

So, for you parents who frit and fret over every germ, worm, bump, lump and speck of dirt, I’m going to do what I do best and make a list for you. A list of WHY outside play and interaction are necessary for a healthy child, and a kick ass childhood.

You’re welcome.

BENEFITS OF OUTSIDE ACTIVITY AND PLAY

they see me rollin…they hatin….

Firstly- and most obviously, EXERCISE. Running around, chasing, catching, biking, swimming, ya de da de da, all of it burns those happy meals right off. According to the American Heart Association, right NOW, one of every three kids/teens are either overweight or obese. ONE IN THREE. 1 in 3. 1:3. 1/3. Let that sink in.

‘Baby fat’ is gone by age 2/3…unless there is a medical issue, kids should not be having this problem. Exercise and proper nutrition people.

Think of all the time spent sitting, watching, eating, lazing about. That time needs to be spent burning off the excess calories kids eat, ESPECIALLY if they favor French fries over fruit. Obesity in kids wasn’t a huge problem even a generation ago, and almost unheard of previous to that, because guess what?! WE WERE OUTSIDE!!!

In the movies, there is always one. Now, to be accurate, there needs to be one in three.

Second- Dirt and Germs are GOOD for you! Yes, you read that right. The only way to build up immunity to something, is to be exposed to it. Your body needs to experience the germ, fight the germ, learn from the germ, and be one with the germ (I dunno, sounded good) in order to overcome it. Think about it, what are vaccines? GERMS. If you lived your life in a bubble, never exposed to anything, could you even imagine the reaction to a sneeze or some pollen you may have? It would be like Hiroshima is your ‘immune system’.

BOOM. THERE GOES YOUR HEALTH.

Third- decreased stress and anger, among other things. Yes, kids get stressed too. And angry, and whiny, and bratty. Well, one way to solve that is to let them stay holed up inside all day yelling at the computer, OR, send their ‘happy asses’ outside and let them literally kick rocks (or throw them, or whatever), until they feel better. Let me tell you, there is nothing a good magnifying glass fire, game of king of the hill, or super soaker fight won’t solve.

that’s right. Pretend whatever you are aiming for is your brother’s head. you become a real good shot.

Another benefit- gross motor skills, coordination. You practice these with running, jumping, throwing, kicking, what have you. It’s a no brainer that being outdoors and DOING THINGS are going to benefit you more in the long run than exercising your eyeballs staring at the TV while engaging in a fine motor skill of pincher grasping popcorn….just sayin’.

……………… >.<……………….

And lastly, my number one benefit of playing outside, with others? Imagination and friendship are developed. Seriously, whether it’s playing a mean game of AYSO and pretending its the Olympics, or building a tree house, playing paintball, or riding bikes- you are using your mind, and making friends.

Fack yeah!

Basically, people, GET YOUR KIDS OUTSIDE!!!! It’s SUMMER. Its time for free play and fun. I can’t tell you how many times a day I get asked if we can “go outside”, and go outside we do! TV and technology can be a drag, and totally addicting, I get that, but YOU are the ADULT. YOU decide when they have it. Unplug and go do something!

If we can do it, you can do it! (look how little they are!) That’s imaginations and gross motor skills hard at work folks!

Links to prove my point, so we all don’t think I’m talking out of my bum. 🙂

http://www.aahperd.org/headstartbodystart/activityresources/upload/benefits-of-outdoor-play-2.pdf

http://www.aahperd.org/headstartbodystart/activityresources/upload/benefits-of-outdoor-play-2.pdf

http://g2goutside.org/benefits-of-outdoor-play/

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Teen Mom Syndrome- Scared Celibate!

7 Sep

I was walking through the mall one day, and happened to overhear a group of girls, about 13 or 14 years old squealing with delight over the fact that one of their friends was “O.M.G REALLY PREGNANT!” (yes, they said O M G as opposed to oh my God. Don’t even get me started.) Yeah, its none of my business, and whatever, and no, I did not say anything. But if I could have I would’ve taken those little girls out of the aisles of Justice and Deb’s (tween and teen clothing stores) and into the REALITY of being a young mommy for a day. First, we’d start with some facts about babies no one knows until they have one themselves.

EXPENSE OF A BABY

  1. CHEAP diapers cost about $15 a box…Doesn’t seem bad, but a box lasts about a week, 2 once they are older. That’s what? $60 bucks a month. And don’t forget wipes! a 3 pack for $10! One pack for the car, one for home, one for diaper bag, and by the end of the week you lose all fucking 3!!! And Butt Cream, that’s like anywhere from 5-15 bucks, depending on the kind your baby needs.
  2. Formula- If you aren’t breast-feeding, it’s about $20 a can. Yeah. For food. That they eat every 4 hours or so. That’s a lot of money. And there’s no “oh, it’ll be okay if I water it down or give her juice for a couple of days”…No, it’s not. And bottles?? Shit, DON’T LOSE THEM.
  3. Babysitters- A CHEAP DAYCARE in this shit hole of a town (NNY) is about $180 a week. And that’s poor people status. Hopefully you’re lucky and have a family member or friend to help you out. Especially if you are in school.
  4. CLOTHES- Yeah, teeny tiny baby clothes, can cost just as much as adult clothes. If you ever find yourself in this situation, don’t feel shitty taking help and hand-me-downs. Your baby won’t care if it has on fresh Nikes. He WILL care that his belly is full and his diaper is clean. And any decent mother you know who has a kid a size or two bigger will LOVE to help you out. It’s paying it forward.
  5. Carseat and Crib- Even going cheap on these two will run you about 300-500 bones. And there’s no getting around either

Girls, these are just the ESSENTIALS. Nevermind the fancy bouncy seat(20-100 bucks), the cool play mat (about 45 bucks), playpen(shit, I don’t even KNOW…like 50 bucks?),and God-knows-what-else. And honey, it only gets more expensive as time goes on. Remember that prom dress you want? BEGGED FOR? I bet it’s about $400. Mine was. Now I realize how hard my mom worked for us. Don’t do that to yourself, or your future children now.

Yes, he is cute, but costs more than you can even imagine. WAIT.

Who am I kidding? NO teenager or young adult for that matter who hasn’t at least had to help support their family even GRASPS the value of money. To them, $100 is the lotto. Not a week in gas. So this approach would probably just be equivalent to beating a dead horse. Hmmm. AHA! Teenage girls HATE disgusting things…Lets get some random baby facts going, that no one bothers to tell you before hand!!

PREGNANCY GROSSNESS NO ONE TELLS YOU

  1. Your feet swell, and will stretch out ALL the shoes you wear, and you won’t be able to wear them again
  2. Your hair has a good chance of falling out. And a BIG chance of growing hair where there wasn’t before (chin, belly, nipples…)
  3. Morning sickness can happen whenever, wherever. Like, in the middle of history class.
  4. You also may start lactating…again whenever, where ever…like in the middle of class.
  5. When baby gets big enough it will push on your bladder. Causing you to pee your pants. Like, when you walk, or sneeze, or laugh. How embarrassing.
  6. Hemorrhoids. While pregnant and after labor. It’s a bitch.
  7. You will be an exhausted, hormonal wreck. Sometimes, you hate everyone, you will be a roller coaster.

Not as cute as the celebrities huh? And note the fine hair all over.

LABOR & DELIVERY GROSSNESS NO ONE TELLS YOU

  1. Chances are you will poop, pee and puke all over the delivery table. In front of whoever is in the room (1 doctor, a couple of nurses, your boyfriend, and whoever else you invite in)
  2. Your vagina has to stretch 10 cm to fit a baby. And most of the time, the baby will rip it more on the way out. Or your doctor may just slit it open farther. and this will require stitches.
  3. Your water probably won’t break dramatically, like in movies. No, it’ll leak. Or it may just stay intact and the good ol’ doc will have to take a hook to it and pop it open.
  4. You will bleed. A LOT. and have to wear giant pads. No tampons or sex until you are cleared by your doctor.
  5. Mucus plug- Just what it sound like, girls. A hardish plug of mucus holding everything in your vag. It comes out. Gross.
  6. A c-section is serious and requires TONS of prep time, a shuffling of your insides and you will be sore. For a very very long time.
  7. After you get the vernix-covered baby out, you will need to get the placenta out. This can be done by massaging your very very sore abdomen.

This is the real deal girls. Not the cutesy shit on TV now, is it?

 

BABY GROSSNESS NO ONE TELLS YOU

 

  1. If your baby needed forceps or suction to come out, and a lot do; expect to have a little conehead for a while.
  2. Newborns go through about 10-14 dipes a day. That’s alotta poop and pee
  3. If you have a boy, you WILL get peed on. Guaranteed.
  4. Sleeping when baby sleeps. LMFAO. Get real. You will have bottles to wash, laundry to do, things to catch up on. when you sit down, baby gets up.
  5. Babies wake up A LOT in the night. And want to be fed. You need to be alert and ready for whatever baby wants. Whenever baby wants it.
  6. Spit up will be everywhere. Your hair, your clothes, your skin, quite possibly your mouth. And you will smell like baby spit up.
  7. Cradle cap- its baby dandruff. Rub the head with baby oil, comb the hair and repeat. For however long it takes. It’s actually harmless, but disgusting looking.
  8. The bellybutton- ew. It shrivels up, dries up, and falls out. During that time, it may get infected.

That’s just the BEGINNING, girls. Google “colic”, and “post-partum depression” and “cracked nipples”. Those are always fun!

A baby covered in vernix. With a conehead. JUST about to scream.

Now, here is where these little girls chirp in with “NO, Not me!!! My parents will help me out and do all of this while I go to school, to college, get a job and hangout with my friends!! And my Boyfriend and I will be together 4-Eva, so you have NO IDEA!”

Ahhh. And here is where I break hearts and crush dreams. NO. No, your parents will not be able to be at your EVERY BECK AND CALL as they most likely have JOBS they need to do to support YOU, YOUR CHILD, pay THEIR bills, and no doubt YOUR giant medical bill you racked up under their plan. And HOPEFULLY you will finish school and go to college. and work HARD at it. Let me tell you, any job that pays anything at all is in a few more years, if not already, going to require a COLLEGE EDUCATION. And flippin’ burgers or sellin’ gas ain’t gunna get your baby what she/he needs.

HAHAHAHAHA SOCIAL LIFE?!?!?! Guess what? Your social life just went the way of your virginity. GONE. You may get lucky and have friends that stick by and all that, and they are GOOD FRIENDS. BEST FRIENDS. But while your off being an adult and playing house, they are off ACTING THEIR AGE. And who can blame them? Reverse the roles. Would you rather go to  a house party with tons of friends, good music, food, drinks, and total awesomeness, OR sit inside with your friend and her colicky baby all night bitchin’ about bills? Thought so.

And…give me a minute on this next one…. You and your boyfriend forever, huh? Alright, let’s do some basic math:

The average age for men to marry in the US in 28.4 years old

The average age for women to marry in the US is 26.5 for women

And the divorce rate in the US is…..About 50%

So, please tell ME, how 2 TEENAGERS are going to last in a “Forever” relationship when 1/2 of the people a DECADE OLDER THAN YOU (and with WAYYYYY MORE LIFE EXPERIENCE) can’t handle it?? I don’t care if your 15 or 21. It’s VERY unrealistic it will last, as a person isn’t even fully DEVELOPED until MAYBE age 25. So, bringing a baby into something a volatile as a young relationship is really rather irresponsible. I know, because at 19 I did it myself. And I, like you, thought it would be easy. I, like you was wrong. Granted, I LOVE MY CHILDREN WITH ALL MY HEART. But I think I would’ve liked to stay a “child” a little longer. You have all the time in the WORLD. Take it. Run with it. And when you are older, wiser and ready, share all your cool ass experiences with your children.

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