Tag Archives: bipolar

Don’t Stop Believin’

22 Sep

…a mantra for the hard times, indeed. Currently, I am trying to be a little more Zen with my life. And hows that working out, Schetti? Well, I’m basically trying to go from THIS:

 

 

FML!!!!!!!!!

…..To THIS:

 

 

 

LML. Cuz who DOESN'T want to lay out in some grass all day??

 

For someone such as myself, this involves some strategic planning. For one thing I’m taking a psych course, basically about managing your life, learning about all the life stages and how to deal. The book is called “I Never Knew I Had A Choice” by a couple of hippie folk. And not to mention my teacher is totally bananas over Star Wars, and uses it as examples…ALOT. So far, the only thing I disagree with is the “fact” that I am Bi-Polar due to these factors, IN THIS ORDER: 1. have a sucky way of using defense mechanisms, 2. had a TERRIBLE childhood (ok…so saying I’m bi-polar because my mommy was mean…isn’t that like, projection- a defense mechanism being used in the wrong way? Thought so…) 3. Hereditary (Yeah, like number one on my own personal list, but whatever) and THEN 4. A chemical imbalance. (hmm. okay, this may be number one, considering meds fix imbalances, not who your relatives are…) SO, ANYWAYS, Jedi-Professor is on to a few things and I shall keep those in mind while just kind of tossing ot the rest. Like, I will objectivly look at mistakes in my past and use them as a tool to not make the mistake again. Don’t want to repeat the dreaded Anakin-Vadar cycle!

 

 

My mistakes will NOT follow me. I repeat, my mistakes will not follow me.

 

On top of fancy-schmancy pysch course, I will be checking in with the shrinkie-doo and the therapist lady more often. FIRST of all, school is taxing, work is taxing, having to be to school everyday cutting on work time, now cutting on checks is PARTICULARLY taxing. NOT to mention it is FALL. Jenna in the City (the productive one, to a point) HATES FALL. With an unrelenting friggin’ passion. Fall relocates Jenna in the City/Small Town to the Country, then to the Boonies, then to a Shack In The Woods, not to emerge until like, almost December. Being a hermit will most definitely put a damper on my ambitions and drive to succeed. Can’t go having that. Considering, hit mid-October and its mid-term-a-palooza. Woo. They won’t have all the answers, but my therapist most definitely knows how to get shit accomplished!

 

 

Like Lucy...But more...HELPFUL

 

And the ever-present power of Blocking. Yes, in this day and age, it is totally within your capability to block drama. Well, social media drama. Not ONLY can you just click a button and become non-existant to someone, change your phone number, and basically fake your own demise in their life without so much as a face-to-face “sod off”, but you can do it from the comfort of your own home, in your undies, or even your fake ass. Whatever floats your boat. And BOOM! Its gone! All is erased from memory like Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Oh, someone wants to write SKANK LMAO, with about 475 LMAO’s they probably pecked out with one finger while the other was jammed up a nose diggin’ for lost gold? BLOCK. Oh GAWD, THIS girl again with her CONSTANT updates that are so annoying it makes my eyes tear up and burn? BLOCK. Or, maybe just “restrict”, so if you still would like to keep in touch, just don’t need all the drama of real-world Judas’s or play-by-play of someone’s entire wordly existance. This handy tool in itself has saved me a bundle on high blood pressure meds.

 

 

Every Assholes' Kryptonite.

 

Getting sleep is also coming in on this list. I will also add to that a balanced diet. Between studying all night, work, school, wanting to be home, and cleansing myself of ridiculousness, I don’t think I’ve been able to clock in much sleep, (at least GOOD sleep) get up early enough to function properly. And for the past couple of days I have sustained myself on coffee, Coke Zero, candy corn, half an enchillada, and a tuna fish sandwich. For two days. No wonder I’m a fucking zombie.

 

 

Must. Have. Sugar... Hey, if I keep it up, I will at least have an awesome Halloween costume.

 

So JenniSchetti’s guide for Zen-cess:

1. Find an Obi-Wan or Yoda of your own, and take the good ideas from them and their hippie book. Not only will you learn about yourself, you’ll learn how to deal with others. Bonus.

2. If you have a therapist (in this day and age, everyone could use one) utilize him/her and TALK honestly. Because if you ain’t honest, they ain’t helping. THEN what the hell are you paying for?? And for Pete’s sake, if they suggest meds, take them. Denial is the biggest battle. You WILL feel better.

3. Keep your friends close, and your enemies blocked. Quite frankly, it is a sucky situation to have someone slander you on a public forum to hundreds of people you don’t know. So heres the solution. Report it, stick up for yourself, and then block those bitches. Because once they get done typing something REALLY NASTY about you, then your refute and they type something even longer and more asshole-ish and get something cool that pops up that says this can not be sent….Ohhh, will that STING.  Its you giving them a virtual bitch-slap. Like the eqivolent of walking away from a ridiculous arguement. REALLLLYYYY hard to do sometimes, with some subjects, but once you do it, you feel soooooo much better. Trust me on that one. Caution: this route entails at LEAST restricting mutual friends who you have a gut feeling that are Judas. And it’s gotta be done, or these people can still delve into the life you “technically” booted them out of (<— pun INTENDED)

4. For the love of God, sleep and eat. Or you will just be up at 2am scrounging up some high-cal snack. (2 layers of cake with buttercream and fondant, anyone?) 6 hours of sleep is probably sufficent. I know if I sleep to little its TORTURE and I’m groggy, then awake, over and over and if I sleep too much, I’m in a fog. Watch what you eat. If I don’t have at the least one coffee a day, I have a migraine. Its a caffiene addiction. But eating a $1 bag of candy corn throughout the day? A sugar crash waiting in the wings. Not to mention early onset diabetes. Now theres some stress for you!

So be like Journey, and believe you can be all zen with your universe, young Jedi!!!

Yeah…so the message isn’t exactly about being “zen” I suppose, but I needed an excuse to post my theme song.

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Jenna in the Country, Jenna in the City

27 Aug
Like a diamond, my personality has many facets. There are so many sides to my little meatball self, you never really know what you’re going to get, which stems at least partially from the whole 24 and crazy like a fox thing. But I have two distinct personalities. I like to call them Jenna In the Country, and Jenna In the City.
 
 

Lets explore Jenna In the Country:
  • Jenna In the Country is a SUPER CHILL girl. Likes to sleep, take bubble baths, relax at home, be all domestic and shit. Jenna In the Country enjoys walking around outside in bare feet, doesn’t mind working, but would MUCH RATHER be at home. This version of myself, being a “chill girl” is not all hyper and talking-a-million-miles-per-hour-with-a-SHIT-TON-of-voice-raisings. No. This is one mellow chic, and honestly, a little bit on the downer side. Doctors and Therapists would refer to this as “depressive”. Country Jenna gets throughly ENRAGED at the idiotic drivers on the road in town and swears off cities, small and large, for all of her life. She is mainly anti-social, and if stuck in this mode for too long, becomes a hermit and meaner than a one-eyed cat who had his tail singed on the stove. It literally goes from this:

 
 
 
to THIS:
 
 
 
 

In no set period of time whatsoever. Any little thing could possibly tip the scale once I’ve been in the “Country” long enough. At that point, ALL I want to do is shack up with a bunch of dustbunnies and hide out in a cabin in the woods until the apocalypse. Not cool. Which leads me to:
 
Jenna in the City. This Jenna is completely boss. Wicked outgoing, funny and witty as hell, life of the party, a flirt (Jenna in the City totally snagged the BF by the way) and absolutely HATES to sit around and do nothing. Jenna in the City lives off of no sleep, and lots of coffee and/or energy drinks. She is loud, talks a MILLION MILES AN HOUR with a voice ranging from loud excited teen to OH MY GOD IS THAT A FRIGGIN HYENA?! Literally, people who are in close contact to this Jenna have been known to carry around ear plugs. As with Jenna in the Country, this version also has downfalls. She gets wound so fast and so tight, the world is not going fast enough to keep up. This results in a very temperamental Jenna who is snappy and ragey. Until of course then the world stops spinning. Then we go from this:

                                                                                                                                                                                     
 
 
                                                                                                                                                                                         To THIS:
 
 
 

In again, a uspecified amount of time. I can go from the life of the party to flat on my face in SECONDS. All it takes is a butterfly effect of some random small thing occurring and BAM! I’ve been socked in the face with cold hard reality and uppercutted by life and left in the rain to weep by drama. Fuck me indeed.
 
And therein lies the dilemma, folks. IS THERE a happy medium for someone who’s so different from themself? Indeed there is. And it comes in the form of a handsome, awesome, super intelligent, supportive awesome (did I say awesome?)  boyfriend husband who loves me bunches!. He helps me relax, maintain CALM, COOL, and COLLECTED, and remain chill yet fun. At times I’m a little “Night of the Living Dead”-ish after marathon shifts at work, but that to me is better than crazy-head-shaving-weilding-an-umbrella-at-people type of gal. Not that it wouldn’t be kind of fun, given the circumstance, but still. So, even though my sides have their share of ups and downs, this is the best of both worlds is the one I like best. Jenna in the Small Town. Which looks like this:

Cool as Cucumbers! ❤

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