Tag Archives: girl power

Girl Power

13 Jun

If I were a boy, I would be the PRETTIEST BOY IN THE WORLD. That’s right folks. Without a DOUBT, I would manscape, cover blemishes with concealer, MATCH my CLEAN clothes, file and clean my nails (hint hint, hubby), get my hair done at a salon, and maybe even rock a little rouge. Who knows. All I know is, I would be this guy:

 

 

Legend…wait for it….DARY.

 

 

That’s right. I would be Barney Stintson. THEE ladies man. THEE alpha-bro. I would be the guy that wouldn’t need a wingman, but just took one out of courtesy. Why would I be a Pretty-Ricky? Well, because, things like body hair, and sweat, and just gross-guy-ness disgust me.

 

 

ohmygawdno. no.no.no. *shudders*

 

 

Now, obviously, this is ME, and not YOU. Go be all hairy and proud, you beast, but don’t expect a hug, man. I’m just saying if I were a GUY, I would be a very meticulously groomed guy. I would have to be. Thanks to my genes, I have to be NOW and I’m a WOMAN for Pete’s sake. I can’t go more than a week without waxing something. Could you imagine if I was a guy?!

 

 

Dudes, it really DOES hurt, but eventually you will get used to it. Buck up, buttercup.

 

 

No way, Jose. I’m glad I am a female. And yes, I know ladies like to gripe during “that time of the month” that they wish they were a dude. But no. No you don’t. I will take my crazy mood swinging, ice cream eating (thank GOD for the store’s deal this week, let me tell you), husband missing, lifetime watching, biological clock ticking, (just kidding- that needs to be fixed), cramping, crying, lazy, fat girl, Aunt Flo issues for a week every month (minus about 18 or so HOPEFULLY SOMEDAY) for the REST OF MY LIFE, over having to be a hairy guido dude ONE DAY.

 

 

ok. white sheets AND undies?? Someone’s a risk taker.

 

 

My point is this. Girl-hood and Woman-dom isn’t so bad ladies. I mean, hell, honestly, would you want to be a man for one day? I mean, yes, we do have to put the extra effort in when we preform hygiene and dressing, but honestly, most guys who make you get all high-school girly do too…

 

 

I promise you, he did NOT wake up looking like this. That took effort and man-scaping.

 

 

And there are bonuses to being a lady, after all. I mean, here’s my top favorite things about being a female:

 

 

  • Dressing- I don’t know about you, but I. LOVE. TO. SHOP. And dress up, and be a cute little meatball. Guys really don’t have much of a selection of, well, anything to wear. Think of all the cute clothes and accessories you would be lacking in your life, if you had a porksword.

 

think of all the closet space? sigh.

 

 

  • Getting your way- this one is about to get a lot of flak, I can FEEL IT, but guess what? I . DON’T. CARE. (its my blog, so neener-neener) Yes, women have come a LONG WAY since the 20th century. YES, woman can do everything a man can. Yes, yes, yes. BUT, even with all of this progress, I can  USUALLY get: out of a ticket, a little sympathy at work, assistance with homework, or work assignments, out of hard labor tasks, waited on, doors opened, seats pulled, the bill paid, by simply having a bajingo. And at least I have the balls to admit I like it this way.

 

take note: doesn’t work so well on lady cops. SIGH.

 

 

 

  • Pretty-fied: Average dudes really would get a lot of harassment for covering their blemishes, concealing dark spots and fine lines, having their nails and hair done, anything that would make them concerned about their appearance and “feminine”. I know for a FACT if I was a guy, I wouldn’t want to have to walk around with a pizza face when there are products RIGHT THERE at the store that can help cover it while the medicine does its job. And quite honestly, the more I see younger guys on social media apps, the more I think that celebrities looks affect them too. They notice a guy is “perfect”, just like girls do. But them using products is “wrong”. Bullshit. I mean, it may seem like a hassle to shave, wax and put the face on, but shoot, I feel way better when I do it. I don’t really care how narcissistic and self-centered that sounds, admit it to yourself RIGHT NOW ladies, that if someone took your razor and mascara away, you might cry. Just imagine if you were a dude who didn’t fit the standard and THEN got harassed for trying to use products, like tinted male moisturizer. Not so fair, is it?

 

maybe i’m just anti-feminist, maybe i’m behind on the times, but this is what I feel like when I don’t put my makeup on. if I was a guy, good god.

 

 

 

  • Music/Movie tastes: As a girl, I can have tastes in music ranging in everything from Metallica to Taylor Swift, Aerosmith to Ke$ha, Biggie to Britney. A guy? NOt so much. A guy admitting he owns the new One Direction or Justin Bieber CD, would be like, social death. But a girl? Totally ok. Actually makes her “cool”. Same with movies. A girl watching gore, sci-fi, comedies, chick flicks? Normal. A dude in line for the new Nicholas Sparks movie? His girl better be in the bathroom…

 

QUICK! How many guys do you spot at this concert? …yup…

 

 

 

  • The gift of life- I suppose that this is actually the most selfless, and my favorite part of being a lady, therefore I saved it for last. There is nothing on this whole earth that makes me feel as complete and as happy as my children. I never felt better about myself than I did when I was pregnant, even if I was puking non-stop, had swollen feet and stretch marks all over. I wouldn’t trade a second of my time as a mother-to-be or as a mother for anything in this world. I’m not saying I want to be an octomom, or have nineteen kids and counting, but babies are the one thing I can do right, and so help me god there will (hopefully) be more, when, you know, I get my husband back. (and if I didn’t have such issues during my pregnancies, I would LOVE to be a surrogate for someone, but I can’t.)  And yes, yes, you do need a man (or man genes) to complete the process of conception, but from there on out, its all on the momma. The fact that your body can SUPPORT and GROW another WHOLE LIFE is just, like, amazeballs. You should be proud of that, if you’ve had the opportunity to do so.

 

Seriously no better feeling in the whole world. And, like, I’ll have a GREAT mister this time, whaaaattt?!?! SCORE. I’ll be like, Pam and Jim happy, shoot.

 

 

 

I’m not a guy, so I mean, I can’t really tell you how a dude’s perspective might differ, but I mean, this whole “double standard” thing we bitch about? Yeah, but not really. They can have it rough too. Guys are expected to be tough, rough, and handsome, at ALL TIMES. This is not an option. They can’t CRY. Never a moment of weakness, never fretting about their appearance. No thanks. I’ll take my cramps and ice cream, post this, get on Facebook and look at all the cutie pie babies, then watch some chick-flicks. I’m all good with that, and all the parts of being a girl.

 

 

Oh come on. Look at the title. You HAD to know this was coming.

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