Tag Archives: lover

Equality to All, and to All a Good Night.

28 Jun

EDIT:::

this blog entry came into my timehop today, 1 day after the historic supreme court ruling that ALL Americans in ALL states have the right to marry the one they love. also note I’ve become way more politically involved and am fully democratic and have burned my republican registered voter card at my Colbert/Stewart shrine. I mean, what?  ah, young ignorance.  *shudders*

**sashays all over the place throwing confetti**

 

 

Gay marriage has, at this date and time, been allowed in California (as it is in some other states) and it has also been declared that same-sex couples shall be granted the same federal benefits as hetero-couples, per the Supreme Court.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait…why should this have even been an issue??

Has me swinging too, man.

Here’s my background (it will make my point I promise)- I am a 25 year old, white American woman, registered republican (though I vote democrat- rebel, I know) from JEFFERSON COUNTY, NEW YORK (not exactly liberal- google it), married with children, semireligiousish (baptized Methodist but very familiar with Catholicism as well, fyi), with a pretty ok set of morals, I support rights of citizens, to include the 2nd amendment, I shoot guns for fun (at targets, you neanderthal), I drink rum and coke as opposed to frou-frou drinks with umbrellas, I am usually home in bed by 10 on school nights, work my life away, and am going to school to be a teacher. OH! I am also an organ doner. (don’t let my landlady know- she is creepily obsessed with my eyes.)

Just your average little white lady.

Everything I am, on paper at least, SCREAMS opposition to equality and gay rights. Because the ONLY arguments to it that I can find either have something to do with religion, morals, the “gay agenda”(<–what??), procreation, and the denial of either a mother/father to a child. But guess what? I am NOT against gay marriage, regardless of what my on-paper profile may say. I have many friends, family members, and friends that I consider family that are homosexual, bi-sexual, asexual, trans-sexual, pan-sexual, and it really GRINDS MY GEARS and OFFENDS me that they, many of whom are in more committed relationships than like, 85% of the straight people on my Facebook page.

JUST SAYINNNNNNN.

So, in light of the recent awesomeness of the Supreme Court, and in support of my LBGT friends, I am about to drop rebuttals on all of these “gay marriage is bad” arguments, like in the best way I know how. Through my wit, humor and mad meatballiness.

Prepare for knowledge bomb drop. I’ll wait……………………………………

Here it comes!

OK, first argument- Gay marriage is against God.

please show me where it says this. that God is against gay marriage.

People use this argument all the time. Like, it is used as LITERALLY number one, and when rebutted, they come back and keep it coming. So, I guess to keep this a blog and not a novel, I’ll take that most popular points and shoot ya down, mmkayy?

So, in the Bible, it says this regarding homosexuality:

Leviticus 18:22 – Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination.

Leviticus 20:13 – If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood [shall be] upon them.

BUT! The Bible ALSO SAYS THIS:

Leviticus 19:27–  “You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard.” (no haircuts!)

Leviticus 19:19 – “You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.” (no cute clothes)

Mark 10:11-12, –And He said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.'” (well, multiple married people….)

Proverbs 29:15– The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. (children need to be hit and not think for themselves??)

My point is THIS. The Bible says A LOT of things. I should know. I went to religious release, Sunday school,  church camp, CHURCH itself, and have read it cover to cover MULTIPLE TIMES.  IF you are going to go full ham on ONE TOPIC, and use that as a basis for WHY something should not exist, under any circumstance, you need to stop throwing stones, get out of your glass house, off your high horse, and scrub the black off your pot, because you friend, are a HYPOCRITE. At this moment my shirt is 45% polyester, 55% cotton, and I ate pig for dinner. I cannot judge the lifestyle or relationships of a person based on verses in a Bible, when I do not follow said verses to a T myself. What DO I follow in the Bible then? Well, the teachings of Jesus and to love your neighbor, do unto others, HELP people in need, and hey- DO NOT JUDGE. I am not the one to judge others, that is not my job. That is God’s job right? I think he can handle it.

How is this even one bit right?? HOW? ..waits…

God and marriage point two (or morals, I guess, its almost the same, really)- so if marriage is between a man, a woman, and God, does that mean Atheists and Agnostics can’t marry? I don’t see anyone picketing THEIR marriages, and THEIR rights…And I know of people who identify as either Atheist or Agnostic and I have never heard anyone up in arms about them marrying…To further my point, my husband and I were married courthouse style, with our parents and whatnot there, and I didn’t give any of my money for the marriage license fee, or the cost to get married to the church…I gave it to New York State. NEW YORK was PAID for ME to get MARRIED. So this whole, gay marriage thing? If you factor in what we paid PLUS the cost of a “REAL” wedding (that we will still have, hopefully)- that is A LOT of cash flow, a LOT of business, A LOT of economic growth. Shit, a dress can be like, $3000 on AVERAGE. That’s ONE HUNDRED times what mine cost!

I googled atheist marriage…I can’t tell…can you?

Point two- Gay people only want to make others gay, and will do so by encouraging their lifestyle!

So dangerous!

What??? Ok. First off, who do you think BREEDS gay people? They are not aliens. LBGT people are BORN, not made. I’m sorry- but every person I have had this conversation with says something along the lines of “Would you CHOOSE to be constantly ridiculed, harassed, tormented, beat up, and discriminated against? NO. I was BORN THIS WAY”. So THERE. They aren’t doing this whole “ooh, I want to be a lesbian this morning, strain ties with my family and friends, be discriminated on, and fight for any right, EVER” thing because it is FUN and to mess with you. JEEZE. Straight people MAKE gay babies, just like we make white babies, and black babies, and redheaded babies, and ugly babies. Shit happens, people. I for one know that if any of my spawn should come out to me, I hope to God that they are in a much more tolerable world for one, and for two, I will love and support them no matter what. Besides, I will probably already know, my Gaydar is LEGIT.

three things I love: glitter, rainbows, and protesting. SIGN ME UP, I will march with you.

Argument three- it goes against procreation, we must marry to procreate.

Actually….no. I sure didn’t (which, would technically be a no-no to God, right?) And I know married couples, and people in general who cannot procreate. So, should THEY not be allowed to be married? Should THEY have rights taken away? NO, they should not. Straight childless couples are entitled to all of the same rights and privileges as straight married with children couples. So what is the difference? IN FACT, I will go so far as to argue this point- a homosexual couple cannot produce a ‘surprise’ child. There is NO unwanted child in a gay household. These children are brought in with love, and a WANT, and often times a HUGE expense (be it adoption, artificial insemination, surrogate, whatever) and discrimination as well, not because mommy got knocked up and kept the kid, and then hates and resents it.

point.

Last point I have (for now, at least)- The permanent denial of a mother or father.

So, like Full House?

BOLSHEVIKS, I CALL BOLSHEVIKS!!!

I know PLENTY of children, who through no fault of their own have grown up, and become a productive member of society without a mother, or without a father. Be it because of a dead parent, a deadbeat parent, or a single person having/adopting a child, it is not that rare. See, most people have FRIENDS and FAMILY who can play supporting roles in a child’s life. For example, a grandpa or an uncle can make a great father figure, as could a grandma or an aunt be a good mommy role model. Even without it though, a kid WILL NOT be permanently damaged by the absence of a parent. This is a risk, not a guarantee, just as it is with kids in the perfect household.

Oftentimes, these kids are SAVED from lives lived in foster care and orphanages. Given up by STRAIGHT PEOPLE

So seriously people, GET WITH IT. As a history freak (and history minor), I will tell you straight up I see this turning out much like the civil rights did. We will progress, and in 40 years seeing two very happy women strolling hand in hand down the street will be no more shocking to you than seeing a black person and a white person together. (Well, for MOST of you, anyways. Some of us still have some catching up to do). I mean, really. Do you want your grandkid to crack open his history book and see this:

“hey….is that grandpa?!”

Because it looks an awful lot like this:

I bet this appalled you. Why doesn’t discrimination against lgbt??

Weren’t we all taught the golden rule? Not to judge? To treat others fairly? Why does that go out the freaking window when someone doesn’t conform to your standards? Please, comment and  let me know.

I’ll be waiting.

This is me. Waiting for you to disprove anything I just said.

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Embracing the suck, SUCKS. A Guide to Surviving the Long Distance Relationship

3 Jun

As of this very minute of me typing this sentence, Tyler and I have been married for 136 days, 4 hours and 51 minutes. He has been gone over EIGHTEEN HUNDRED MILES AWAY FOR 90 days, 20 hours and 21 minutes. I’m no math whiz (obviously) but that’s like, 46 days we were together (thank you calculator). So, literally, over half of our marriage has been spent apart. Ah, well, TECHNICALLY, you could count the 4 ‘days’ we got to spend with him in May towards time together I suppose, but still. Over half, and who knows HOW much more to go. This is probably the best image representation of our relationship I can come up with:

 

What is up with stick girl’s legs?? How is she even standing?!

 

And, as cute as these two little stick figures are, it SUCKS. SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS. But, you must learn how to “embrace the suck”, or make the most of a bad, terrible, FUBAR situation. (I’m just full of cool slang today. Look at me, shoooot). There are endless ways to do this, and tons of suggestions and 101 lists online. Some of the ideas are fun, and some…well, just really sucky. So, being the most awesome girl around, I’m going to give you a quick run-down of how you may be feeling, at any particular moment, and things to do to make the suck more, “un-sucky”.

 

FIRST- Lets talk feelings!

 

Now, how does that make you feel?

Well, I’m just going to go ahead and be a sharer right now (you’re welcome) and let you in on my emotions during this “time without Tyler”. Now, we spent at least part of every. single. day. together. So, when I drove him to that building (that I still sometimes look at all angry and passive-aggressive like, hence the attitude infused italics), I tried really, super hard not to cry like a baby and, well, I failed. This was bad for two reasons: 1) I didn’t want to make him feel bad for leaving, it’s not like he COULDN’T; 2) I have a pretty badass rep to uphold, and I have an ugly cryface.

 

Yup. That’s about right.

Okay, okay, technically that is three reasons. Whatever. But after I dropped him off, I purposely scheduled myself to work the rest of the day. Why? Well, so I could be surrounded by friends, and keep busy and not eat myself into a Ben and Jerry’s coma, THATS WHY.

 

At least it would’ve been a sweet, delicious, death.

 

Anyhow, I survived. It was hard. I was sad, and angry, and miserable, and lonely, and crazy. Like, I would have NO ONE over the age of five at home to talk to. Talking about dinosaurs and dollies- fun. 24/7? Ermergerd. Tyler, for those of you who don’t know, left for basic training with the Air Force. This meant, like THREE phone calls within 8.5 weeks, and the occasional letter (four, I think). That was it for hearing from him. To feel better, I wrote EVERY SINGLE DAY, wore his shirts to bed, and around the house, and stayed busy. When the communication is forcibly cut, the suck REALLY SUCKS.

It felt like that happened. My phone was always on, but never ringing.

 

To keep myself from a cannoli coma or a nervous breakdown, guess what? I went out and DID SHIT. LIKE A BOSS. Granted, I took a mental vacation for about a week, where I didn’t like, brush my hair, fix my face, or look at my clothes before walking out the door, and honestly, I think it may have been starting to scare people.

 

If these two crazy kids had a baby, it would’ve been me

 

And finally, one day, I woke up and said to myself “GET IT TOGETHER FIASCHETTI ADLE!!! YOU ARE ON A ONE WAY TRIP TO NASTYVILLE ON THE HOT MESS EXPRESS!!” I promptly hopped in the shower, did my hair, LOOKED at my clothes, put *some* face on, and went to school/work. And people like, ASSOCIATED with me. I wasn’t Ally Sheedy in the Breakfast Club anymore! Success!

 

YAY!

 

Getting up, and actually DOING stuff (like my homework, my job, and my own hygiene) made me feel better. I think I needed a week long pity party, and you might too. And that’s a-o-freaking-k. But for Pete’s sake, PULL IT TOGETHER. You may be in it for the long haul, you WILL start to smell. But I will tell you, after a couple weeks, things get a little more routine. For lack of a better term, you will ‘get used to it’. Not to say that you will like it, necessarily, but things will slowly fall into place, and you WILL SURVIVE.

 

This is your motto.

 

Well, now that you know how you MAY feel (bad, good, sucky, angry, indifferent- basically a rollercoaster) here are some things that you can do to embrace the big old suck. They aren’t in any particular order, but are things that work for us.

 

WHAT TO DO TO LESSEN THE SUCK

 

1) Write to him/her. I wrote a letter a day, sometimes two, to Tyler. It was like talking to him and telling him my day, like I always do, and it really did help me feel better. Even if he didn’t get to write back for what seemed like forever, it was still therapeutic for me. I had his address memorized by heart, I could fill out the envelope in my sleep.

 

A letter a day. Literally. If he wasn’t my husband, this could be grounds for stalking.

 

2) If you can go there- DO IT!!!! I went to see Tyler, with the kids and his family to see him graduate from basic. From New York to Texas. Between planning, shopping, packing, and thinking about the trip, time seemed to FLY BY. If you can afford it, I recommend going to see them. It was hands down, the BEST four days I have had, and the best vacation as well. As soon as we can plan it, pay for it, and iron out the fine details, I will be going again, this time to his Tech school, spending an uninterrupted weekend together. And as soon as he is done, you can bet your bottom dollar I’m going to wherever it is to be with him, and stop this cycle of suck.

 

Even if I have to eat ramen for 6 months, I WILL go see you. ❤

 

3) Skype!! This has got to be, like, theeeee greatest thing since cannoli ice cream. Now that Tyler is in tech school (job college, of sorts) he can Skype with me after his day and my day! We can talk and ‘see’ each other for as long as we want! And text too! Now there is no crackly phone with a drill instructor yelling to get off it in the background! This has to have been the most recent thing to have lessened the suck, for sure, hands down. It sucks that I can’t PHYSICALLY be in a room with him, but this is like, way better than previous communication. If you don’t have it, invest in it.

 

Lol, but this is like, a legit thing. I think we will pass. I’m pretty sure I have an ugly sleep face too.

 

4) Keep busy! I had school, work, 2 kids, a diet (no cannoli ice cream for me), planning a trip, and candy crush to keep me occupied. Whatever you can do- do it. Now that school is over, I have my blogging to keep me entertained, and not only is it helping ME, its helping YOU! Look at me, all philanthropic and stuff! But seriously, DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING. You like your sanity, don’t you?

 

Be warned- candy crush WILL steal your soul.

 

5) Countdown- Literally, sometimes the only thing that will help some days is a countdown of when you will see each other again. This worked for me with boot camp, but since we have no idea when I’m going to see him OR when he is coming home, its not such a good tool now. But I have a countdown app for my phone, and in every letter I made a big ” X MORE DAYS!!”, so he could count down too.

 

And lookie there, his handsome little face in the background. dawwww.

 

6) A support system- be it co-workers, friends, or family, or in my case a trifecta of all three, you NEED a support system like a girl needs spanx. They don’t even have to necessarily have first hand experience with your situation to be able to love, support, and help you. My friends joked with me, drank with me, gossiped with me, texted me when they knew I’d be at my loneliest. My co-workers let me get away with being a wild, bummy, she-beast. And picked me up when I needed it. My family helped with the kids, listened to me, spent time with me on days where I would’ve usually had Tyler there to occupy me. My mother-in-law basically handled all  aspects of planning the Texas trip, because if anyone is clueless about these types of things, it is me. I THANK MY LUCKY STARS for all of these people I had, who had and still have my back.

 

We all have that one special person in our life. Cherish it!

 

Hopefully with this little knowledge bomb of life ex-suck-ience I have dropped on you, you will see that you CAN do it. Long distance isn’t a death sentence. So put down the spoon, turn off the tears, get off your ass, shower, get DRESSED and realize your world isn’t going to end sweetcheeks. It is what you make it. I used to be a pretty stressed out crazy sideshow of a meatball. Now I’m a slightly smaller, more relaxed, c’est-la-vie type of girl. Just roll with those punches. It will get dirty, and bitter, and frustrating, but you will make it, and look as happy as these two kiddos here:

 

Aren’t we just ADORABLE!?!?!?!?! GAWD!

Boys: How To Guide On Becoming A Man

9 Sep

One of my previous blogs was some cold hard truth and reality for the young girls of today’s world. Well, I think its time to give the boys a shot. Now obviously, I have boobs and a bajingo. I am a girl. Woman. So, technically speaking, I don’t actually know the physical specifics on what you do on your journey to that ever glorified manhood, other than things grow and things drop…HOWEVER, being a woman, I do know what a female desires in her Ultimate Man. And, lucky enough for you boys, I am sharing. But be prepared, I will probably take a few shots at your (growing) man-hood.

  1. Social Skills! (And Maturity!)

Being able to be around people is definitely something a boy must master before claiming manhood. And by people, I don’t mean your Bro-mans sitting around a ps3 playing Call of Duty and  circle jerking or whatever it is you do all day. You need to learn what is and what isn’t appropriate conversation with certain people. Nothing is worse for a girl (or woman for the blog, I think I will just go back and forth bear with me) than introducing her new love to her parents/friends/families/co-workers/etc and being completely and utterly embarrassed by some sort of ridiculousness that made its way through his vocal cords and out of his mouth, evading his brain the entire way.

FOR EXAMPLE: You are meeting someone important to your girl.

They Say: Well, how lovely to meet you, I’m so-and-so. How are you?

You DO NOT SAY: “Well, I just dropped the Browns off at the Superbowl and they skidded their way to victory so I’m feeling much better.” (Someone texted me that once. It took a minute, then I realized they told me they just relieved themselves of  a giant shat. Lovely) THIS WILL NOT BE FUNNY TO THESE PEOPLE, (unless they are real ass comedians) AND WILL MOST LIKELY PISS OFF YOUR LADYFRIEND.

You SAY: “I’m fine thanks, and it is a pleasure to meet you.” OR “I’m good, and you?” OR just a “Fine thanks, you?”

And social skills do not stop at verbal competency. You must also be able to PRESENT yourself in a way that says “I’m NOT a Dickweed!” As in: chew with your mouth closed, stop interrupting, farting/burping is NOT acceptable in a common area go to the damn bathroom you barbarian, quit looking at her mother/sister/aunt/friend’s tatas, excessive PDA need not be blasted in front of great grandma, Keep fingers, keys, pens, etc out of your orifices. You can see where this is going. I don’t wanna spell it all out. Use your BRAIN.

This is what NOT to do:

Because that's totally attractive.

Do THIS Instead:

Be Likeable, and for Pete's sake, keep you friggin' mouth closed.

2. Size Apperance DOES MATTER!!

We all know girls love to do the whole ‘look pretty for the guy’ thing. It’s in our nature. I don’t know why, I’m not a fucking biologist, so don’t ask me. I just know it is. So when we spend all this time and effort on us for YOU, do you think MAYBE you could at least change your dirty frat-boy shirt? Run a comb through your hair? Slap on some friggin’ deodorant? I know. Not all dudes are like this. But lets face it- from time to time you could at least DO SOMETHING with yourself. You are not a child anymore, you are striving to be an adult. Some general rules of thumb:

  • Theres a lot of different looks out there (skater, prep, bad boy, gangsta, rocker, what-the-hell-ever) go with what your comfortable with.
  • But don’t be a slob. Stains are out, unless you’re bummin’ around the house together, or like, work a dirty job. But when you go out with beau, be presentable. Grunge can even be done nicely. Tricky, but nicely.
  • Match your clothes, dude. If you don’t know ask your lady friend.
  • Smell. Please refrain from smelling like a fucking jockstrap/dufflebag/gym sock/locker room. Seriously a bottle of Axe is like 4 bucks. And it works well enough.

Yeah, this is tres chic!

3. Be RESPONSIBLE!

Ok, bro. Time to man up. This requires obtaining and KEEPING a job. It’s one thing to get laid off or whatever, but another completely to lose a job and not actively search for another. No girl wants to pay your way for everything. She will (hopefully) want to do things FOR each other, not just be your walking fucking wallet. And please, be a law-abiding citizen. The Bad Boy LOOK is attractive, not the lifestyle. (Girls: for more on the Bad Boy Syndrome, or BBS that most of us unfortunately suffer from, plese view my sister’s blog: http://povertyanddeath.wordpress.com She is a fucking expert on this epidemic.)

Being responsible also goes this way, and probably the most IMPORTANT part of this rule. If you have a major responsibility, like children, TAKE CARE OF THEM. Whether your girl is the mama, or you have a baby mama, BE THERE. This is monetarily speaking and emotionally speaking. Both are equally as important. I know from experience shit don’t usually work out between young parents, I get that. I’M THERE dude. But you are as responsible for that child as she is, after all YOU were needed to help make it. HELL, YOU determined the sex! So seriously guy, buy some fucking Huggies and go throw a ball around. Being a deadbeat will get your ass beat. And hey, here’s some advice: if you have a baby, and don’t feel you can ‘manage’ the responsibility of it, then for the love of all things Holy, STOP PRO-CREATING. It’s scumbags like YOU that give young parents, the guys who try in particular, a bad name.

Mmmhhmmm...You know who you are. And you all sicken me.

4. Treat her like you would want your mom/sister/daughter to be treated.

That’s right. For once, think of your girl as your mother. Or your baby sister (No, not in the sack you perv.) How would you like it if some complete and utter fucking asshole made your loved one do everything for them and the household with no recognition even, feel like general crap about herself, verbally and emotionally abuse her, pressure her into doing things she doesn’t want to do or is uncomfortable with, yadayada. Oh, you’d wanna smash his friggin’ face in, huh, tough guy? Well, then REALIZE that this girl IS someone’s sister, daughter and maybe mother. Maybe YOU’LL have a date with the linoleum. Here’s some tips on how to treat a lady right:

  • tell her she’s beautiful (most effective first thing in am, right before bed, when doing something completely ordinary, such as grocery shopping, and when shes just chillin’ like a villain in those sweats and a sloppy bun)
  • DON’T FOLLOW THE SCUMBAG MANTRA- Lie, Cheat and Steal. Don’t do it. If you feel a need to cheat, break up. If you feel a need to lie, break up, if you just wanna rob the bitch, you deserve your nuts stomped.
  • LISTEN TO HER YOU JACKASS. You should know on past conversations things like her favorite flowers, her best friend from forever, what she REALLY wants to do on a Saturday night. Then act on these observations and do something nice.
  • Celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and holidays, or you may die.  But more importantly, surprise her. Random flowers on a random Wednesday just to say you care? OMFG, that’ll melt her insides and guarantee you some sort of “you’re so sweet reward”. Fuck, I prefer those kind of surprises as opposed to Valentines Day. But my gripe with that consumer holiday is for another time.

    They don't even have to be fancy and elaborate. Just show you care dammit.

And lastly, BE YOURSELF. Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t, it will get you nowhere. And make sure you do the same for your lady. Don’t force her to be someone YOU want her to be, like oh, I dunno, an ex-girfriend perhaps. Because it won’t work and she will resent you for it.

This is my starter’s manual for shaping yourself into a gentleman. All I know is, this is what I go for, and girls I know go for. So its working for somebody…

This guy!

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