Tag Archives: stress

Embracing the suck, SUCKS. A Guide to Surviving the Long Distance Relationship

3 Jun

As of this very minute of me typing this sentence, Tyler and I have been married for 136 days, 4 hours and 51 minutes. He has been gone over EIGHTEEN HUNDRED MILES AWAY FOR 90 days, 20 hours and 21 minutes. I’m no math whiz (obviously) but that’s like, 46 days we were together (thank you calculator). So, literally, over half of our marriage has been spent apart. Ah, well, TECHNICALLY, you could count the 4 ‘days’ we got to spend with him in May towards time together I suppose, but still. Over half, and who knows HOW much more to go. This is probably the best image representation of our relationship I can come up with:

 

What is up with stick girl’s legs?? How is she even standing?!

 

And, as cute as these two little stick figures are, it SUCKS. SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS. But, you must learn how to “embrace the suck”, or make the most of a bad, terrible, FUBAR situation. (I’m just full of cool slang today. Look at me, shoooot). There are endless ways to do this, and tons of suggestions and 101 lists online. Some of the ideas are fun, and some…well, just really sucky. So, being the most awesome girl around, I’m going to give you a quick run-down of how you may be feeling, at any particular moment, and things to do to make the suck more, “un-sucky”.

 

FIRST- Lets talk feelings!

 

Now, how does that make you feel?

Well, I’m just going to go ahead and be a sharer right now (you’re welcome) and let you in on my emotions during this “time without Tyler”. Now, we spent at least part of every. single. day. together. So, when I drove him to that building (that I still sometimes look at all angry and passive-aggressive like, hence the attitude infused italics), I tried really, super hard not to cry like a baby and, well, I failed. This was bad for two reasons: 1) I didn’t want to make him feel bad for leaving, it’s not like he COULDN’T; 2) I have a pretty badass rep to uphold, and I have an ugly cryface.

 

Yup. That’s about right.

Okay, okay, technically that is three reasons. Whatever. But after I dropped him off, I purposely scheduled myself to work the rest of the day. Why? Well, so I could be surrounded by friends, and keep busy and not eat myself into a Ben and Jerry’s coma, THATS WHY.

 

At least it would’ve been a sweet, delicious, death.

 

Anyhow, I survived. It was hard. I was sad, and angry, and miserable, and lonely, and crazy. Like, I would have NO ONE over the age of five at home to talk to. Talking about dinosaurs and dollies- fun. 24/7? Ermergerd. Tyler, for those of you who don’t know, left for basic training with the Air Force. This meant, like THREE phone calls within 8.5 weeks, and the occasional letter (four, I think). That was it for hearing from him. To feel better, I wrote EVERY SINGLE DAY, wore his shirts to bed, and around the house, and stayed busy. When the communication is forcibly cut, the suck REALLY SUCKS.

It felt like that happened. My phone was always on, but never ringing.

 

To keep myself from a cannoli coma or a nervous breakdown, guess what? I went out and DID SHIT. LIKE A BOSS. Granted, I took a mental vacation for about a week, where I didn’t like, brush my hair, fix my face, or look at my clothes before walking out the door, and honestly, I think it may have been starting to scare people.

 

If these two crazy kids had a baby, it would’ve been me

 

And finally, one day, I woke up and said to myself “GET IT TOGETHER FIASCHETTI ADLE!!! YOU ARE ON A ONE WAY TRIP TO NASTYVILLE ON THE HOT MESS EXPRESS!!” I promptly hopped in the shower, did my hair, LOOKED at my clothes, put *some* face on, and went to school/work. And people like, ASSOCIATED with me. I wasn’t Ally Sheedy in the Breakfast Club anymore! Success!

 

YAY!

 

Getting up, and actually DOING stuff (like my homework, my job, and my own hygiene) made me feel better. I think I needed a week long pity party, and you might too. And that’s a-o-freaking-k. But for Pete’s sake, PULL IT TOGETHER. You may be in it for the long haul, you WILL start to smell. But I will tell you, after a couple weeks, things get a little more routine. For lack of a better term, you will ‘get used to it’. Not to say that you will like it, necessarily, but things will slowly fall into place, and you WILL SURVIVE.

 

This is your motto.

 

Well, now that you know how you MAY feel (bad, good, sucky, angry, indifferent- basically a rollercoaster) here are some things that you can do to embrace the big old suck. They aren’t in any particular order, but are things that work for us.

 

WHAT TO DO TO LESSEN THE SUCK

 

1) Write to him/her. I wrote a letter a day, sometimes two, to Tyler. It was like talking to him and telling him my day, like I always do, and it really did help me feel better. Even if he didn’t get to write back for what seemed like forever, it was still therapeutic for me. I had his address memorized by heart, I could fill out the envelope in my sleep.

 

A letter a day. Literally. If he wasn’t my husband, this could be grounds for stalking.

 

2) If you can go there- DO IT!!!! I went to see Tyler, with the kids and his family to see him graduate from basic. From New York to Texas. Between planning, shopping, packing, and thinking about the trip, time seemed to FLY BY. If you can afford it, I recommend going to see them. It was hands down, the BEST four days I have had, and the best vacation as well. As soon as we can plan it, pay for it, and iron out the fine details, I will be going again, this time to his Tech school, spending an uninterrupted weekend together. And as soon as he is done, you can bet your bottom dollar I’m going to wherever it is to be with him, and stop this cycle of suck.

 

Even if I have to eat ramen for 6 months, I WILL go see you. ❤

 

3) Skype!! This has got to be, like, theeeee greatest thing since cannoli ice cream. Now that Tyler is in tech school (job college, of sorts) he can Skype with me after his day and my day! We can talk and ‘see’ each other for as long as we want! And text too! Now there is no crackly phone with a drill instructor yelling to get off it in the background! This has to have been the most recent thing to have lessened the suck, for sure, hands down. It sucks that I can’t PHYSICALLY be in a room with him, but this is like, way better than previous communication. If you don’t have it, invest in it.

 

Lol, but this is like, a legit thing. I think we will pass. I’m pretty sure I have an ugly sleep face too.

 

4) Keep busy! I had school, work, 2 kids, a diet (no cannoli ice cream for me), planning a trip, and candy crush to keep me occupied. Whatever you can do- do it. Now that school is over, I have my blogging to keep me entertained, and not only is it helping ME, its helping YOU! Look at me, all philanthropic and stuff! But seriously, DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING. You like your sanity, don’t you?

 

Be warned- candy crush WILL steal your soul.

 

5) Countdown- Literally, sometimes the only thing that will help some days is a countdown of when you will see each other again. This worked for me with boot camp, but since we have no idea when I’m going to see him OR when he is coming home, its not such a good tool now. But I have a countdown app for my phone, and in every letter I made a big ” X MORE DAYS!!”, so he could count down too.

 

And lookie there, his handsome little face in the background. dawwww.

 

6) A support system- be it co-workers, friends, or family, or in my case a trifecta of all three, you NEED a support system like a girl needs spanx. They don’t even have to necessarily have first hand experience with your situation to be able to love, support, and help you. My friends joked with me, drank with me, gossiped with me, texted me when they knew I’d be at my loneliest. My co-workers let me get away with being a wild, bummy, she-beast. And picked me up when I needed it. My family helped with the kids, listened to me, spent time with me on days where I would’ve usually had Tyler there to occupy me. My mother-in-law basically handled all  aspects of planning the Texas trip, because if anyone is clueless about these types of things, it is me. I THANK MY LUCKY STARS for all of these people I had, who had and still have my back.

 

We all have that one special person in our life. Cherish it!

 

Hopefully with this little knowledge bomb of life ex-suck-ience I have dropped on you, you will see that you CAN do it. Long distance isn’t a death sentence. So put down the spoon, turn off the tears, get off your ass, shower, get DRESSED and realize your world isn’t going to end sweetcheeks. It is what you make it. I used to be a pretty stressed out crazy sideshow of a meatball. Now I’m a slightly smaller, more relaxed, c’est-la-vie type of girl. Just roll with those punches. It will get dirty, and bitter, and frustrating, but you will make it, and look as happy as these two kiddos here:

 

Aren’t we just ADORABLE!?!?!?!?! GAWD!

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Don’t Stop Believin’

22 Sep

…a mantra for the hard times, indeed. Currently, I am trying to be a little more Zen with my life. And hows that working out, Schetti? Well, I’m basically trying to go from THIS:

 

 

FML!!!!!!!!!

…..To THIS:

 

 

 

LML. Cuz who DOESN'T want to lay out in some grass all day??

 

For someone such as myself, this involves some strategic planning. For one thing I’m taking a psych course, basically about managing your life, learning about all the life stages and how to deal. The book is called “I Never Knew I Had A Choice” by a couple of hippie folk. And not to mention my teacher is totally bananas over Star Wars, and uses it as examples…ALOT. So far, the only thing I disagree with is the “fact” that I am Bi-Polar due to these factors, IN THIS ORDER: 1. have a sucky way of using defense mechanisms, 2. had a TERRIBLE childhood (ok…so saying I’m bi-polar because my mommy was mean…isn’t that like, projection- a defense mechanism being used in the wrong way? Thought so…) 3. Hereditary (Yeah, like number one on my own personal list, but whatever) and THEN 4. A chemical imbalance. (hmm. okay, this may be number one, considering meds fix imbalances, not who your relatives are…) SO, ANYWAYS, Jedi-Professor is on to a few things and I shall keep those in mind while just kind of tossing ot the rest. Like, I will objectivly look at mistakes in my past and use them as a tool to not make the mistake again. Don’t want to repeat the dreaded Anakin-Vadar cycle!

 

 

My mistakes will NOT follow me. I repeat, my mistakes will not follow me.

 

On top of fancy-schmancy pysch course, I will be checking in with the shrinkie-doo and the therapist lady more often. FIRST of all, school is taxing, work is taxing, having to be to school everyday cutting on work time, now cutting on checks is PARTICULARLY taxing. NOT to mention it is FALL. Jenna in the City (the productive one, to a point) HATES FALL. With an unrelenting friggin’ passion. Fall relocates Jenna in the City/Small Town to the Country, then to the Boonies, then to a Shack In The Woods, not to emerge until like, almost December. Being a hermit will most definitely put a damper on my ambitions and drive to succeed. Can’t go having that. Considering, hit mid-October and its mid-term-a-palooza. Woo. They won’t have all the answers, but my therapist most definitely knows how to get shit accomplished!

 

 

Like Lucy...But more...HELPFUL

 

And the ever-present power of Blocking. Yes, in this day and age, it is totally within your capability to block drama. Well, social media drama. Not ONLY can you just click a button and become non-existant to someone, change your phone number, and basically fake your own demise in their life without so much as a face-to-face “sod off”, but you can do it from the comfort of your own home, in your undies, or even your fake ass. Whatever floats your boat. And BOOM! Its gone! All is erased from memory like Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Oh, someone wants to write SKANK LMAO, with about 475 LMAO’s they probably pecked out with one finger while the other was jammed up a nose diggin’ for lost gold? BLOCK. Oh GAWD, THIS girl again with her CONSTANT updates that are so annoying it makes my eyes tear up and burn? BLOCK. Or, maybe just “restrict”, so if you still would like to keep in touch, just don’t need all the drama of real-world Judas’s or play-by-play of someone’s entire wordly existance. This handy tool in itself has saved me a bundle on high blood pressure meds.

 

 

Every Assholes' Kryptonite.

 

Getting sleep is also coming in on this list. I will also add to that a balanced diet. Between studying all night, work, school, wanting to be home, and cleansing myself of ridiculousness, I don’t think I’ve been able to clock in much sleep, (at least GOOD sleep) get up early enough to function properly. And for the past couple of days I have sustained myself on coffee, Coke Zero, candy corn, half an enchillada, and a tuna fish sandwich. For two days. No wonder I’m a fucking zombie.

 

 

Must. Have. Sugar... Hey, if I keep it up, I will at least have an awesome Halloween costume.

 

So JenniSchetti’s guide for Zen-cess:

1. Find an Obi-Wan or Yoda of your own, and take the good ideas from them and their hippie book. Not only will you learn about yourself, you’ll learn how to deal with others. Bonus.

2. If you have a therapist (in this day and age, everyone could use one) utilize him/her and TALK honestly. Because if you ain’t honest, they ain’t helping. THEN what the hell are you paying for?? And for Pete’s sake, if they suggest meds, take them. Denial is the biggest battle. You WILL feel better.

3. Keep your friends close, and your enemies blocked. Quite frankly, it is a sucky situation to have someone slander you on a public forum to hundreds of people you don’t know. So heres the solution. Report it, stick up for yourself, and then block those bitches. Because once they get done typing something REALLY NASTY about you, then your refute and they type something even longer and more asshole-ish and get something cool that pops up that says this can not be sent….Ohhh, will that STING.  Its you giving them a virtual bitch-slap. Like the eqivolent of walking away from a ridiculous arguement. REALLLLYYYY hard to do sometimes, with some subjects, but once you do it, you feel soooooo much better. Trust me on that one. Caution: this route entails at LEAST restricting mutual friends who you have a gut feeling that are Judas. And it’s gotta be done, or these people can still delve into the life you “technically” booted them out of (<— pun INTENDED)

4. For the love of God, sleep and eat. Or you will just be up at 2am scrounging up some high-cal snack. (2 layers of cake with buttercream and fondant, anyone?) 6 hours of sleep is probably sufficent. I know if I sleep to little its TORTURE and I’m groggy, then awake, over and over and if I sleep too much, I’m in a fog. Watch what you eat. If I don’t have at the least one coffee a day, I have a migraine. Its a caffiene addiction. But eating a $1 bag of candy corn throughout the day? A sugar crash waiting in the wings. Not to mention early onset diabetes. Now theres some stress for you!

So be like Journey, and believe you can be all zen with your universe, young Jedi!!!

Yeah…so the message isn’t exactly about being “zen” I suppose, but I needed an excuse to post my theme song.

sEXERCISE

25 Aug

This morning, I was sitting on the loo in the bathroom while the kids took their bath and was reading AARP. (yes, the old folks magazine. Gotta say, really good articles though, and most subscribers nationwide. Kudos). I’m just flipping through it and this particular article caught my eye.

‘Sex on the Brain’ by Dr.Mehmet Oz.

First off, I’m totally thinking this article will be about either:

  1. Freaky old people sex and benefits to your cardiovascular system (Dr.Oz is a cardiothoratic surgeon, after all)

                                                     OR

         2.  Dr.Oz’s sex life. (a previous month he wrote an article for TIME magazine detailing his colonoscopy/cancer scare)

So, naturally, having inherited a pervert gene from both sides of my family,  I  read on. The first paragraph details how Dr.Oz still gets all stressed and as he states “pre-game jitters” as he wore a  monitor for 24 hours that measured heart rate, respiratory rate and body temperature, which apparently are all things that get high and such when your stressed. Or jittery. (On a random side note, I think if I were having a MAJOR FUCKING SURGERY I wouldn’t want to know my doctor gets “jittery”. Just sayin’). At this point, I’m all disappointed and thinking that they totally fucked the title, thinking it should be STRESS on the brain, not SEX. But, I persevered. Blah blah blah, after 2 more paragraphs, he gets to the good stuff.

Apparently, the 2 key ways to fight off stress are exercise (borrinnngggg) and sex (yes please!) Exercise increases the cortisol in your brain (sidenote: too much causes strain on the heart, important later) and what not, and decreases anxiety while increases neurogenesis due to an increase of blood to the brain OVER TIME, or some fancy-schmancy Harvard doctor lingo. But that’s boring, and something that’s literally shoved down America’s throat in every anti-depressant and anti-anxiety commercial. They ALWAYS have something to say about exercise.

Heres where the sex came in:

“In a recent animal study, a single sexual experience caused a short-term surge of cortisol, just as exercise does. But MULTIPLE sexual experiences, DAILY over TWO WEEKS reduced the release of cortisol, increased neurogenesis, and decreased anxietylike behavior.”

I’m no rocket scientist, but I’m pretty sure that the sex would out benifit the exercise in reducing stress, as TOO much cortisol can like, make your heart fucking EXPLODE. He closes the article with a yada-yada, exercise in the morning, and leave the night “free for romance” for very healthy rewards.  I guess I can jive with that. Heres an idea, SEXERCISE.

Sexercise (n,v): the act of exercising while doing the nas-tay.

Or, basically, just pulling an “all-nighter”, bang the headboard through the drywall, and cause your neighbors complete awkwardness in crossing paths with you at the mailboxes every day for the rest of your lease. For like, multiple times a day, for multiple weeks. You’ll be the chillest dude(tte) out there. And hell, it’s for your HEALTH for Fuck’s Sake. (Men: here’s a tip: the next time you feel like engaging in some good-for-you sexercise, and your lady friend declines your wooing attempts, just be all, “WOULD YOU LIKE MY HEART TO EXPLODE FROM INCREASED AMOUNTS OF CORTISOL STREAMING IN MY BODY FROM ALL THIS STRESS?! If she loves you, she’ll do it. Wait, that’s your line, not ours. My mistake.)

But seriously, I was wondering why myself and a few other members of my elite circle were so damn crabby, and all the skinny bitches and SuperSluts are always so damn HAPPY. Turns out, we’re just too damn busy for squeezing in thirty on the treadmill, and honest blog, once a week nookie just isn’t cutting it for this bitch. As a result of this article, effective immediately, I am going to make a serious effort to sexercise as often as possible. I believe this will prove all well good with my man-friend.

About to un-stress and de-cortisolize? I think so. Lucky bitch.

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