Tag Archives: teens

Get Out and Play- An Endangered Concept

26 Jun

So, here I am, having a chat with my preggo friend, about how all her kid wants to do is go, go, GO, (a rare quality these days) and it takes all she can to entertain him, being in the process of growing a minion and all. Not a problem- go, go, GO play with your friends, right? WRONG. Kids, outside, playing- its like, UNHEARD OF these days. Or at least it seems like it is. And what kind of a kid wants to play outside, alone? It sucks a real big juicebox.

It literally looks like this on my street.

See, his friends aren’t the “play outside until the sun comes down” type. At least not as often as they should be (ahem- summer break…EVERYDAY, minions!) And they also aren’t the “get dirty” type either, and actually get into trouble for playing…and getting dirty…

problem- solved!

To which, I just gotta say….What??

Okay, firstly, my mom probably would’ve F.R.E.A.K.E.D. O.U.T. if we were INSIDE every, single, hour, of every, single day. Maybe its because we didn’t have all of these cool video games and phones, gadgets and the interwebs to entertain us for literal days at a time.

Here’s lookin’ at you, Satan’s favorite pastime.

 No. We had playsets, trampolines, pools, trails, woods, bikes, balls, water. We had FRIENDS and we actually SAW their faces, not their profile pictures, everyday. We had REAL social media, REAL games, a REAL childhood.

kick the can? YEAH BUDDYYY. Sign me up!! I will DESTROY YOU!!!

But all my mom had to do was yell “go play” (if that somedays) and we were GONE. Out the door, to the backyard, playing things, building things, destroying things, blowing up things…you get it. Having good ol’ ‘Merican FUN. And we didn’t come home until we heard to dinner bell ring! (yep, we had one) It’s just like, I don’t even know. So weird now that kids don’t PLAY.

I googled ‘merican fun….hahaha you win, google.

Seriously though. It didn’t take a whole lot to get us out. We had a big yard, and lived in the middle of nowhere, so being abducted by some creep wasn’t really an issue as it can be in bigger areas (though we DID have a peeping Tom, but that’s another story). So, I guess I can see where ‘rents these days, with the constant news coverage and all that, may be a little paranoid about sending Suzy and Jimmy outside to play, while they work/cook/clean/relax/crush candy (<– judgment free zone, you guilty mommies!)

I wouldn’t let my two outside unsupervised either. So my next point…

But here’s an idea, you silly Sally’s— GO OUTSIDE WITH YOUR SPAWN! Or if they’re old enough- watch from the door/window/porch!

**SHOCKING!** Guess what?! You can do a majority of things from OUT OF DOORS, AS WELL! And, if you are worried about dirt and germs and pedos, you are right there watching! Now, with mine, I am ALWAYS outside, on account of having no yard and some real winners for neighbors. My friend, she lives in a quieter part of town, with a yard, playset, the works, and he is old enough to have some space. But like I said earlier- who wants to play alone all day?

Sucks a big juicebox, huh kid?

So, for you parents who frit and fret over every germ, worm, bump, lump and speck of dirt, I’m going to do what I do best and make a list for you. A list of WHY outside play and interaction are necessary for a healthy child, and a kick ass childhood.

You’re welcome.


they see me rollin…they hatin….

Firstly- and most obviously, EXERCISE. Running around, chasing, catching, biking, swimming, ya de da de da, all of it burns those happy meals right off. According to the American Heart Association, right NOW, one of every three kids/teens are either overweight or obese. ONE IN THREE. 1 in 3. 1:3. 1/3. Let that sink in.

‘Baby fat’ is gone by age 2/3…unless there is a medical issue, kids should not be having this problem. Exercise and proper nutrition people.

Think of all the time spent sitting, watching, eating, lazing about. That time needs to be spent burning off the excess calories kids eat, ESPECIALLY if they favor French fries over fruit. Obesity in kids wasn’t a huge problem even a generation ago, and almost unheard of previous to that, because guess what?! WE WERE OUTSIDE!!!

In the movies, there is always one. Now, to be accurate, there needs to be one in three.

Second- Dirt and Germs are GOOD for you! Yes, you read that right. The only way to build up immunity to something, is to be exposed to it. Your body needs to experience the germ, fight the germ, learn from the germ, and be one with the germ (I dunno, sounded good) in order to overcome it. Think about it, what are vaccines? GERMS. If you lived your life in a bubble, never exposed to anything, could you even imagine the reaction to a sneeze or some pollen you may have? It would be like Hiroshima is your ‘immune system’.


Third- decreased stress and anger, among other things. Yes, kids get stressed too. And angry, and whiny, and bratty. Well, one way to solve that is to let them stay holed up inside all day yelling at the computer, OR, send their ‘happy asses’ outside and let them literally kick rocks (or throw them, or whatever), until they feel better. Let me tell you, there is nothing a good magnifying glass fire, game of king of the hill, or super soaker fight won’t solve.

that’s right. Pretend whatever you are aiming for is your brother’s head. you become a real good shot.

Another benefit- gross motor skills, coordination. You practice these with running, jumping, throwing, kicking, what have you. It’s a no brainer that being outdoors and DOING THINGS are going to benefit you more in the long run than exercising your eyeballs staring at the TV while engaging in a fine motor skill of pincher grasping popcorn….just sayin’.

……………… >.<……………….

And lastly, my number one benefit of playing outside, with others? Imagination and friendship are developed. Seriously, whether it’s playing a mean game of AYSO and pretending its the Olympics, or building a tree house, playing paintball, or riding bikes- you are using your mind, and making friends.

Fack yeah!

Basically, people, GET YOUR KIDS OUTSIDE!!!! It’s SUMMER. Its time for free play and fun. I can’t tell you how many times a day I get asked if we can “go outside”, and go outside we do! TV and technology can be a drag, and totally addicting, I get that, but YOU are the ADULT. YOU decide when they have it. Unplug and go do something!

If we can do it, you can do it! (look how little they are!) That’s imaginations and gross motor skills hard at work folks!

Links to prove my point, so we all don’t think I’m talking out of my bum. 🙂





Generation WTF

18 Jun

I try, being only a quarter century old, to be a “cool kid” still (the jury is still out as to if I ever was one, however, but I digress). ANYWAY, the youth I’ve seen these days seriously makes me just…ill. That’s the only word I can find fitting. Like, this up-and-coming group- THEY are going to be our future leaders and workers? Oh good God, no.

I kid you not…first image under my “today’s teens” search. Awesomesauce.

Seriously, last weekend, with my mother, my two kids and my niece, we went to the fair. You never really notice teens, until you get a whole swarm of them together. What I saw, I should have documented, but I just couldn’t. It was just too ridiculous. Gone, apparently are the days of not being a complete and total douche in public. I think these kids were like, PROUD of themselves, and it honestly made me think “oh, is THIS how my kid will act? NO.”


The number 1 thing I heard the most today? Swag. As in swagger??


/ˈswægər/ Show Spelled [swag-er] Show IPA

verb (used without object)


to walk or strut with a defiant or insolent air.

to boast or brag noisily.
verb (used with object)


to bring, drive, force, etc., by blustering.


swaggering manner, conduct, or walk; ostentatious display of arrogance and conceit.

Origin: 1580–90; swag1  + -er6

Related forms

swag·ger·er, noun
out·swag·ger, verb (used with object)
Synonyms 1. See strut1 .
Well, I guess that’s about right. But, is that what they mean by it? I mean, this definition came from dictionary.com, so I almost doubt it. Lets look at urbandictionary.com, shall we?
Yeah, just click that link right there. That is basically what I saw today. Like, a kid said something to another kid, who was wearing ridiculous sunglasses, about “turning his swag walk on”, as they practically tried to use telekinesis via eyeball power to will my sweatshirt off.

First and foremost- QUIT. WEARING. YOUR. SISTER’S. JEANS.

Secondly- I am not sure what “swag” walk is supposed to look like, but half you look like you have scoliosis, not swag. Shit’s not cute, bro.

Exactly what you ALL look like. STAHPPPP ITTTT!!!!

I’m really trying to recall if there is anything comparable to “swag” that we did in school. Sure, we drank, we smoked, we partied- but I think when we were out in public, with parents, elders, small children and NUNS, for GOD’S SAKE, NUNS, (<–sorry about that blasphemy, sisters) we were at least able to TONE THAT SHIT DOWN!!!! Not today, apparently!

Not today, indeed, Dikembe Mutombo. SIGH.

Now, honestly, I think I was more focused on the boys of this generation, than on the girls, mainly because I’ve already discussed them in my teen mom blog, and well, becsause, they weren’t walking around looking utterly ridiculous. I guess the boys just seemed way more obnoxious. But, I got to say. If they are all dressing/acting/walking/talking like that, girls must be loving it.

Like a big old greasy, cheesy swag sammich. MM MM MMMM!

Girls- Please, do me a favor, do us ALL a favor- Get off Tumblr, Whisper, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter and Facebook for like, 5 MINUTES and join reality. When your boyfriend’s pants are tighter than yours, its time to really just let him go. I’m hoping its just a fad, a really, terrible fad, like mullets and acid wash- but those fads didn’t come with the attitude like this:

I can’t even THINK right now. ugh.

That’s right. But I bet swag won’t pay your child support, asshat. I WILL.

It is crap like that right there, that makes me really wonder what the next decade is going to look like. It wasn’t the ridiculous clothes, or hair, or makeup that freaked me out today. It was the straight up, shitty attitude that accompanied it. No respect for anyone around them, or even for themselves, sadly. What happened to being original (or even wearing clothes that like, fit at least)? Seriously people, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! I mean, I look at pictures of myself from ten or more  years ago, and its like, ‘oh holy Omaha, what was I thinking?!’, but I honestly am not sure that these kids will feel the same. They are so self-absorbed and just plain arrogant, that I don’t think a Tiger Punch of a reality check could get their minds right. Honestly, I’m hoping once the real world hits their sorry, mommy-needing asses, that they “gonna learn today” exactly how not to be a complete tool. But until that day, here are some of my thoughts, laid out in great meme form on this “swag epidemic” (you’re welcome) because, this whole topic makes my brain cells melt.

swag is an acronym from the 70’s..


How To Not Look Like A Dummy On The Internet

7 Jun

Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. Snapchat. Tumblr .Pinterest. Blogs. Myspace. (is that still a thing?)  Who knows what else. Social media is the heart and soul of most teenagers/young adults in America. Every teenager/young adult (and even adults) I know has at least ONE of these, chockfull of photos, info, thoughts, “friends”, anything. And if you are like most teens, this future generation, this is a bad, bad thing.

like this. This is a bad, bad thing. Now AND later, Just watch.

“OMFG. What is this old hag’s problem?”, you are probably eye rolling at your computer screen. “who caressssss about my tote adorb pics and stuff? Gawd.” Well, future generation of people who will be doing adult type things at some point in the near future; let me tell you who cares.

Me. And the rest of the employers of the world.

we definitely judge everything you post online (you are NOT anonymous) before hiring you. shh.

First of all, there is nothing I LOATHE MORE than seeing some dumb, teenage, trainwreck of half naked selfies, TMI posts, drinking and drug references just cluttering up the internet. Why? Well, frankly, my future leaders and workforce consist of these people, and who the HELL wants Joe Schmoe “smoke it up, drink it down,” or Miss “look like Barbie, smoke like Marley, party like Ke$ha” on the payroll OR someday influencing the minds of their children?

20 years from now: “hey mom! Its my TEACHER!”

No one. That’s who. My general rule of thumb for putting things on the internet:

WWGD. What would Grandma(pa) Do (if they saw this post)?

If this is nonni’s face after scrolling Facebook, you are doing it wrong.

Basically, if are going to post something, think about it. Is it something you wouldn’t care that your parents, grandparents, family, or teachers saw? No. Then whatever. Any hesitation? Do me a solid, and don’t post it. What is even on the internet for like, a literal SECOND, can be saved forever.

I bet this guy’s pops is SUPER PROUD.

But, I don’t know. Maybe some of you are orphans. Or asshats with no empathy for what your family feels. Maybe you are just a stone cold soul, driven by crisp Benjamins. In that case, STILL follow the grandma rule. Why? Well, because bosses are pretty friggin’ picky, THAT’S WHY. Unless you plan on flippin’ some burgers for the rest of your life, pop a squat, and let me tell you what NOT to do on the internet, (because NO , you are NOT anonymous) and WHY.

consider this your ten commandments to the internet. You are welcome.

1) Profile Pic- ok, so the first thing I am going to do as a prospective employer, is look you up on Facebook/Myspce/Twitter/whatever. Nearly everyone on this continent has a Facebook/Myspace/Twitter/whatever. I will type in your name, and hit search. Multiple hits? Not a problem. I will search by location too.

It’s really quite easy. And your profile pic is public no matter what. Even if you block EVERYTHING ELSE.

So, I find you. The FIRST THING I do is check out your profile pic. Why? Well, a book IS judged by its cover, and if you look like you: haven’t showered in a week, shop at Baby Gap, are just plain skanky, would take ten dollas and make me holla, run a weird baby-blood drinking cult, do coke off a VERTICAL mirror, DUCKFACE OF ANY VARIATION, anything racist, sexist, or homophobic, or look like a serial killer– I’m probably going to pass.

Creep-tastic. Catwoman on the loo. Can we all just agree that the bathroom pic should be laid to rest?? Please??? FML.

Seriously, kids— CHOOSE YOUR PROFILE PIC WISELY! And I can click that pic, and go see past ones. So do yourself a favor and delete anything unsavory. Please. This is LITERALLY the first thing I do when I get your name. I will find you. And I will assess you. So, just like, a generic, oh-me-so-happy-face, kittens, babies, the beach, anything that grandma would put on her fridge.

Liam Neeson may be able to find people and kill them, but I will find you, and I will judge your skills as an employee.

2) TMI About You. Yes, there is such a thing as too much information! I do not need to know everything, in fact, NO ONE does, and its just like, ooh. Too much. I like to keep a low profile, and you should too! Don’t go spouting off all your business for the whole worldwide web! Schools, education, family, a little snippet into your life? Super doops. Questionable quotes and interests? Not so much. Like, half the time, an ‘about me’ section is just as public as that profile pic, and social media is CONSTANTLY changing their ‘settings’ so, you gotta stay on top of it. Or you know, just don’t post anything that will come back to bite you in the ass.

This guy. This guy is an example of oversharing. We don’t need to know everything.

3) Drug/Alcohol references- yes, yes, we all love a nice, refreshing drink now and again, and usually it is well deserved. The difference though? Most of us may go out, post a couple of pics, maybe a brief status, but in no way do our Facebook “lives” revolve around the drink. I could be a waste case RIGHT NOW, and my Facebook would not give that away. I don’t want my boss seeing that I’m perma-drunk from 5:30 Friday to 8:50 Monday, you shouldn’t either! Constant drinking, (and worse, drug) references, are not going to get you into that school, or that nice corner office. It’ll get you to AA. Worse than the drinking, though are definitely the drug references. I may partake in the occasional drink, but I don’t do drugs. I don’t have anything against those who do- I mean, it is your life, whatever floats your boat, but people, PLEASE stop putting it ON BLAST on the INTERNET. No one wants to know that you ‘wake and bake’, no one cares that it ‘is finally 4:20’, no one needs to see a picture of your bowl and stash! MMMKAY?! Especially not a perspective employer or school. You will NOT, I repeat WILL NOT be taken seriously, and if they do not catch it, you will just pee dirrrtier than Christina Aguilera circa 2002. Most jobs today that are worth the paycheck, they drug test.

Classy as hell.

4) TMI- again. This also following number 2, goes along with your timeline/newsfeed/tweets/whatever. Don’t be an over sharer. If you have a completely public profile (idiot), or if you get friended by a boss or co-worker, just please, check yo’ self, before you wreck yo’ self. I don’t even know how many times I have blocked and/or unfriended someone (guys and girls) who just grind my gear, overshare their lives, clutter up my newsfeed. Don’t be annoying Alice. Seriously. NO ONE LIKES AN OVER SHARER.  TMI posts as well, about your school, job, boss, co-workers, teachers, can all land you in between a rock and a hard place.

I’m all for funny memes and ecards, but try not to call your boss out on a public forum. He/She will find out.

5) And finally- proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling. I get that you are an “individual” and “unique” and blah-blah-blah. But for the love of everything holy, does your phone NOT HAVE AUTOCORRECT?! Does your PC not make green and red squiggles under things that are not correct?! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, convey your thoughts in the proper way. You ‘sound’ like an idiot when every literal thing you post needs to be read through at least twice in order to get the GIST of it. Again with the annoying and unfriending. This communicates to me that you either have: a )no literature or reading comprehension skills, b) you just don’t care. WAT is not WHAT, U is not YOU, etc., etc., etc.  The standard LOL and its family? Okay for me. But seriously, don’t write/type like this, because you will get into the habit, do it on a VERY IMPORTANT paper, and look like a jackass.

Just google image search “facebook spelling fails”. You won’t be disappointed.

But I mean really, people. It isn’t that hard to keep your online self in check. This is literally the list of the top 5 things every boss will check up on in every employee they have. Updating your status on your sick day from the beach and not the couch? Just dumb. Think about you and your stuff as a boss/college would. Is it something YOU would pay on a bi-weekly basis?? No? Guess you have some fixing to do.

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